


Play With Me

by Snowcouger



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Gen, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-09
Updated: 2010-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowcouger/pseuds/Snowcouger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is Kouga doing here? Wait... why is he acting like a child?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play With Me

"Oi, dog-breath!"

Inuyasha startled and fell off the branch he'd been sitting on. Falling the hundred or so feet through thick branches was not fun, nor was the bone shattering impact with the hard packed dirt two seconds later. Inuyasha lay dazed for a moment, cursing the gods that really seemed to hate him more then usual that day. "What do you want flea-bag?" he grumbled, finding that hard packed ground was much more comfortable then normal when the earth decided that it wanted to spin like a top every time he even thought about sitting up.

Kouga leaned forward so that he was in Inuyasha's field of vision. "Why are laying on the ground like that?"

"Because you're a jackass," retorted the annoyed half-demon.

"So I've been told."

"Anything in particular you want?"

"Not really."

"Then would you kindly get the hell away from me. I can already feel your flea's trying to jump ship."

"Where is everyone?"

Inuyasha found that the world had finally decided not to spin when he moved, so he sat up. "Hell if I know. Kagome ran off yelling about some kind of test or something like that, Shippo's off playing with Kilala, and I reeeeaaally don't wanna know what Miroku and Sango dissapeared off to do."

"Huh..."

"Again, why are you here?

"I was bored. Figured there was something interesting to do here."

"Well, you figured wrong." He rubbed the back of his aching head, the knot already painfully evident. He looked up at the tree he'd been sitting it. "Why do I always go for the highest branches..." he grumbled under his breath.

"Cause you're an idiot."

"Wasn't asking you," he growled as he rose to his knees. "Now, unless you're in the mood to risk Miroku's wind tunnel by bugging them, I suggest you get the hell out of here before I slice you in half."

"Temper temper Inuyasha," he retorted in a sing-song voice.

That made Inuyasha sit (literally) and take notice. "Okay... Did you get hit on the head or something?"

"No," he replied in the same singing voice. "Why?"

"You are one creepy little wolf demon."

"Nooooo... I'm one bored little wolf demon. Entertain me."

"Okay... you are either really drunk or totally high right now."

"I am not," he countered as he sat down in front of him. "I get weird when I'm bored. Ergo, you will entertain me."

"What the fuck does 'ergo' mean?"

"I have no idea," he giggled. "I read it in one of Kagome's books once and always wanted to use it."

Inuyasha blinked, "You can read?"

"Course I can," he chuckled. "Why, you can't?"

"Ah yeah."

"The sarcasm says otherwise."

"Retard, I was raised around nobles. Just because they didn't like me doesn't mean that my mother didn't teach me to read."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." he replied with a healthy does of his own sarcasm.

"Ugh..." Inuyasha rose to his feet and walked off, beyond the point of annoyed with the wolf.

"Aw come on mutt-face! Don't leave a guy hanging here!"

"Then grow the hell up and stop acting like a retard all the time!" he called back over his shoulder.

Kouga jogged to catch up, "Pleaseeeeeee... I'm just really bored. Don't leave me all alone out here."

"Dude, can you be any more clingy right now."

"I am not clingy."

"Then why are you holding onto my robe?"

Kouga looked down at his hands. They were indeed holding onto Inuyasha's sleeve. "Oh..."

"Seriously, what the hell'd they feed you that's got you all fucky like this?"

"I dunno..."

"Well then, remind me never to eat anything if I ever have the unfortunate luck to be stuck near your caves."

Kouga snorted, "You know you like it up there."

"Okay 1: Let go of my robe already. Two: You are seriously starting to creep me out. Three: Your caves smell like wet and mangy wolves and I want to barf whenever I get within twenty miles of them."

"Then why have you been spending so much time up there the last few months?"

"Blame Kagome. She's the one that's always dragging me along when she visits you."

"I would have thought that would piss you off."

"Not really. She's a big girl; she can do whatever the hell she wants. Why she always has to have me go is beyond me."

"Geeze, normally that would have been enough to get you angry and swinging your sword around."

"Yeah, well, I don't feel like it today," he shrugged. "And for the last time, let go of my robes!"

"Alright, alright..." he said holding his hands up in the universal signal of submission.

Inuyasha continued walking, hell bent on ignoring the annoyingly giddy wolf for as long as possible.

"So... where ya off too?"

'Just ignore him... he'll get bored again and leave if you do."

"I know you can hear me Inuyasha."

"Just ignore him... He's not worth it..."

"Heeeeellooo," he said in that same sing-song voice, waving a hand in front of Inuyasha's face. "Anyone home?"

'He'll go away eventually...'

Kouga sped up a bit and moved in front go Inuyasha, walking backwards so he could face him, "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

'I'm thinking about how much I want to kill you right now," he grumbled mentally.

"Come on dog-face, I know you hear me. You can't keep silent forever."

"Just shut the fuck up already! Leave me the hell alone!" he raged in his head.

Kouga dropped back so that he was walking just behind him.

"Well, that's an improvement..."

"Well then, if you won't talk to me voluntarily..." he said calmly. "Then I guess I'll just have to make you talk..."

Inuyasha yelped as Kouga leaped on his back and wrapped his legs around Inuyasha's waist for support and played with his ears.

"What the hell Kouga!" he demanded as he shook and twisted, trying to get the heavy wolf off his back and away from his sensitive ears before he fell over.

"Ha-ha! Made you talk!"

"Get off before I fall-!" he didn't have a chance to finish that sentence because he'd managed to shake himself clear off his center of gravity and tumbled over heavily, crushing Kouga underneath him.

Kouga, winded by the larger body slamming hard into his chest, released his hold on the dog demon's neck.

"You jackass! Look what you made me do!" he yelled, rolling off to the side and rubbing his aching ears.

Kouga blinked a few times before looking Inuyasha dead in the eyes, a serious look on his face.

"You okay?"

Still with the seriously look, "That. Was. The mostfunI'vehadinyears!" he finished, stupid grin breaking on his face and laughing like a hyena on crack. "Let's go again! Let's go again!" he started yelling.

Inuyasha blinked, stunned at this new development. "You have well and truly lost your mind." and with that, he stood up and walked off, leaving the laughing idiot laying there.

Twenty minutes later, the still laughing Kouga was found by Shippo.

The little fox demon stood there and watched him for all of a minute before deciding that he had to know just what was so funny and asked, "Um Kouga? What are you laughing at?"

Said wold demon stopped dead and shot up to a sitting position, scaring the little fox to no end. "Where'd Inuyasha go?" he asked, that same dead serious look he'd had before back.

Shippo cringed, terrified by the wolf's behavior.

"Tell me where Inuyasha is!"

"I...I think.. he went... he went back to the village."

Kouga was gone in a tornado of dust, leaving poor Shippo alone, confused, and wondering just what was wrong with the wolf.

Miroku and Sango were walking back to the village when they saw the tornado that was Kouga racing towards them from the deeper part of the forest.

"What's Kouga doing here?"

"Probably looking for Kagome."

They expected Kouga to just race past them, and were rightfully surprised when he stopped just a few feet in front of them.

"Have you two seen Inuyasha?"

"Not since this morning," answered Miroku. "Why, is something the matter?"

"Yes, something is definitely wrong," and was gone before either of them had time to respond.

"That cannot be good."

The demon slayer nodded, "We'd better hurry back and see what's going on."

"Stupid crazy flea-bitten mongrel," grumbled Inuyasha as he entered the village and headed for the hut they usual stayed in. "Had to come and ruin a perfectly good day with his idiotness."

"Inuyasha!" came the call from said flea-bitten mongrel, still on the other side of the village.

"Great..." he sighed and changed direction, now heading back out into the forest.

All he felt was the blast of wind as Kouga overtook him.

"There you are."

"Go away Kouga."

"I don't wanna."

"God you are such a child."

"Am not."

"You're sure acting like one right now."

"Play with me."

"You just added another tick in the 'I'm-acting-like-a-child' side of the argument."

"Don't care. Wanna play."

"Seriously dude, who the hell hit you over the head this morning?"

"No one. Now play with me."

"It's officially, you've regressed from a mangy-wolf to a flea-bitten pup."

"Again, don't care. Wanna play."

"Inuyasha!" called Miroku as he and Sango jogged towards them.

"Here we go..."

"What's going on? Kouga said something was wrong."

"It's nothing Moriku. He's just being stupid."

"What?"

"He's been like since since he got here," he waved vaguely at Kouga, who was currently chasing a butterfly that had the unfortunate luck of flying by at that moment.

"Okay..."

"Tell me about it. He's spent the last minute and a half demanding that I play with him."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Hell if I know..."

"Maybe we should take him to Kaede."

"Good idea Sango."

Inuyasha sighed and turned to the frolicking wolf. "Oi! Retard! Get over here!"

"No! Having too much fun!" he called back.

Sighing deeply, "If you come here I'll play a game with you!"

Kouga was standing in front of him bouncing on his heels faster then any of them could blink. "Yay!"

"Kouga, we're going to go talk to Kaede for a minute. You need to come with us. She's going to explain the game, okay?"

He nodded in a very child-like way."Okay!"

"What has happened to him?" asked the old priestess, concerned at the unusual behavior of the wolf demon.

"No idea. He just walked up to the tree I was sitting in earlier and demanded that I entertain him. He's been getting more and more child-like since then."

"Child-like?"

"He's been demanding I play with him for the last hour or so."

"Just before we came here he was chasing a butterfly," added Miroku.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, he's really, really clingy," said Inuyasha, brow ticking in annoyance as he jerked his sleeve away from Kouga.

"When are we gunna get to the game?" he asked, already reaching to grab the sleeve yet again.

"I see what ye mean." She watched in silence as Inuyasha smacked Kouga's hand and the usually proud wold demon stared at him with what had to be the saddest pout known to demon kind. "Most unusual."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"I do not know." She walked over next to Kouga and said, "Child, I am going to ask ye a few question. I'd like ye to answer as best ye can."

"Is this part of the game?"

"Aye child."

"Okay then."

"What is ye name?"

"Kouga."

"How old are ye?"

"Uhhh..." Kouga looked down at his hand and started counting on them, "...eight... nine...ten..." He realized he was out of fingers and went for his toes. "...Eighteen...nineteen...twenty..." Now he was out of toes. He went back to his hands and counted off another ten. "Uhhh... thirty!"

All eyes went to Inuyasha, who was staring at Kouga like he really was an idiot. "You moron, you aren't thirty."

"Am so!" he countered.

"Thirty isn't a lot for a demon."

"He basically just called himself a five year old. Wolves and dogs age differently then most other demons. Even if I hadn't a been pinned to that tree for fifty years, I wouldn't look any older then I do now, and I'm only a half demon."

"Wait, if you live that long... then how old is Shippo?"

"Maybe twenty. Foxes age faster then the rest of the canine demons."

"Hey! Can we get back to the game?"

"Aye. Just a few more questions."

"Okay."

"Tell me what ye have done the last few days. Has anything unusual happened?"

"Ummmm... not really. It's been pretty normal at home." He was quiet for a minute while he though. "Oh! There was this one funny looking human that was hanging around the base of the mountain two days ago, but she left after a few hours. Didn't even stay to say hi."

"Human woman?"

"Child, this next question is important. Are ye sure the woman was human?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded. "She smelled human and everything."

"Did she do anything while she was there?"

"Not really. She just kinda watched the mountain top for a while and then left."

"Are ye sure?"

"Yep."

"Thank ye child."

"Is the game over now?"

"Aye child, for now it is."

"Awwwww!" he whined. "That wasn't a very long game."

"I am sorry. But ye behaved very well and have earned a treat."

"Yay! Treats!"

"Aye, but ye will have to wait a bit. I must make them first."

"Awww..."

"This shant take long child. If ye behave for Inuyasha then ye shall get even better treats afterward."

Kouga nodded happily, "Okay. I'll behave!"

Kaede motioned for the others to follow her outside so she could speak to them alone. "I think that a spell has been placed on him."

"A spell?"

"Why would anyone want to cast a spell that makes you act like a child?"

"I do not know. I have heard of such spells, but I have never before seen one."

"Please tell me you know how to break it," begged Inuyasha.

"Aye. I may have a way."

"What do you need to do?"

"It's a simple enough potion. It should be ready before nightfall."

"Thank you," sighed Inuyasha gratefully. "I don't think I can stand him like this for much longer."

"Well, ye shall have to deal with him for a bit longer, Inuyasha. Ye must keep him occupied whist I brew the potion. The potion may be simple enough to make, but if not done properly it can have... untoward side-effects."

"Side-effects?"

"Aye."

"What kind of side-effect?"

"It has been reported to enhance the effects of the very spells it is designed to counter-act."

"So if he was to come in and startle you while you where adding an ingredient and you mistankenly added an incoorect amount...?

"Aye."

Inuyasha groaned and face palmed.

"Play with me."

"Play with Shippo."

"He doesn't wanna play."

"Play with Kilala then."

"She won't play with me either. I think she's mad at me."

"What makes you think that?"

"She changed into a big mean cat and bit me," he held out his arm and showed Inuyasha the mark.

"Idiot..."

"Don't call me an idiot!"

"Well, only an idiot would do something to make Kilala angry. What did you do anyway?"

"I threw mud at her."

Inuyasha sighed, "And what possessed you to do that?"

"Dunno," he shrugged.

"This is why I never plan on having kids..." he grumbled under his breath.

"Play with me."

"Stop asking me that!"

"But I wanna plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

"Kill me now..."

"If I kill you will you play with me?"

Inuyasha blinked and looked at him. "You really are an idiot."

"Play with me."

Slamming his head repeatedly against a tree was sounding better with each passing second.

"Play with me," said Kouga thirty minutes later, apparently bored with chasing butterfly's by that point.

"I swear to every single god that has and ever will exist if you ask me that one more time I'm going to rip your throat out and shove it up your ass!" bellowed the beyond pissed off dog demon.

Kouga meeped and ran away screaming, "Help me! Inuyasha's trying to kill me!"

"Why me..." he groaned as he slammed his head against a tree.

"Inuyasha, where is Kouga?"

"I have no idea. He ran off screaming half an hour ago."

"I told ye to watch him!"

"Well sorry if he pissed me off to the point that I yelled at him."

"Ye shant be a very good father when the time comes."

"I don't ever want to have kids if they're going to be anything like him."

"Find him Inuyasha. The potion is almost finished."

"Fine, whatever."

"Kouga! Where'd you go!"

Nothing.

"Kouga!"

Still nothing. He continued walking along through he forest, tracking the wolf by his distinctive scent.

"Come on Kouga! This isn't funny anymore! Where are you!"

Dead quiet.

"For tha love a..." he grumbled quietly. "Stupid mangy-wolf..."

Sounds of sniffling from up ahead.

"Finally..." He sped up a bit and followed the sound. He walked until he saw a small clearing in the forest. Kouga was sitting on the ground, back against one of the trees, knees pulled to his chest and arms wrapped around them. Inuyasha walked right up to him and watched him for a minute.

"What do you want dog-breath?"

"Everyone's looking for you."

"I don't wanna go back."

"Why not?"

"Cause no one want to play with me."

"What about your treat?"

"Don't want it anymore."

"Yes you do."

"Not if it means you're gunna be mean to me."

"Why do you suddenly care if I'm mean to you or not?"

"Cause," was all he said.

"Cause why?"

"Cause I thought you where my friend!" he yelled, obviously angry and hurt. "Thats why!"

Inuyasha was speechless. Kouga thought of him like a friend?

"You think of me like a friend?"

"Course I do. I wouldn't always be hanging around you if I didn't."

That made Inuyasha stop and think for a minute. It was true, Kouga had been hanging around a lot more lately. In fact, he couldn't actually think of the last time he hadn't seen the wolf for more then three days. The more he thought, the more he realized that they hadn't even been fighting as much as usual either. Damn, the wolf had a point.

"Huh...Guess I hadn't realized."

"You aren't mad at me?"

"Not really..." he admitted after a moments silence. "You where just annoying me."

"Oh... sorry."

"It's okay." He held out a hand to help Kouga up, "Come on, we need to go back."

Kouga stared at the offered hand and grinned, "Okay."

"Found him," said Inuyasha as they walked into the hut a little while later.

"Took ye long enough," said Kaede. She was sitting in front of a pot of some funky smelling something or other. "Come and sit child."

Kouga sat down next to Kaede, "What's that?"

"Do not be concerned with the contents of the pot." She offered him a cup filled with the brew. "Drink child."

"It smells funny," he refused, face scrunching in dislike.

"Aye, it does smell unusual, but it tastes better then it smells. Trust me."

"Do I have to?"

"Aye child. Ye must drink it all before ye can have a treat."

Kouga sighed, "Alright..." He took the cup and chugged the drink as fast as he could. He gagged a bit at the taste, but managed to get it all down.

"Very good." She offered him some clean water to rinse out his mouth with, which he took gratefully. She handed him a stick of candy that Kagome had brought back for Shippo the last time she'd been home. "Here. Shippo assures me that this is exceptionally sweet and tasty."

Kouga sniffed it hesitantly before nibbling on the end. His face lit up when he realized just how sweet it was. He shoved half of it into his mouth and chewed happily for a few minutes.

"Is giving him sugar a good idea?"

"I mixed a sleeping herb into the potion. It should take effect in just a few minutes." She took the uneaten half of the candy from Kouga, who was too busy enjoying what was in his mouth to care.

He swallowed the mass of sugary goodness heavily and exclaimed, "That was yummy! I want more!"

"Not tonight child. Now is the time for sleep."

"Awwwww! Do I have to?"

"Aye child."

"Humph."

"Remember what I said earlier. If ye behave ye shall receive treats."

"Fine," he grumbled and moved to the other side of the room, laying down facing the wall and ignoring all of them.

Kaede motioned for them to leave, so as not to disturb him.

"How long until we know if it's worked?"

"We shall know by morning."

"What happens if it didn't?"

"I suspect we shall be force to wait the spell out. It cannot last forever."

"How long would that be?"

"A week, maybe more."

"I doubt any of us will be sane at the end of a week with him like this."

"Aye. He is quiet the handful."

"And you want to have lots of kids," said Sango.

"I was nothing like that as a child."

Kaede and Inuyasha ignored the bickering couple as they went back inside to check up on Kouga.

He was already sound asleep and snoring.

"Ugh..." groaned Kouga as a beam of bright sunlight hit him square in the face. "Anyone know the owner of the ox that ran me over?"

"You back to normal yet Kouga?"

Kouga blinked and held a hand to his eyes to block out the gawd awful glare. "Mutt-face? What're you doing in my cave?"

"Think again wolf-boy. You're in the village."

"The hell am I doing here? And why the hell does my head feel like you tried to split it open with a dull stick?"

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"For real? We went through all that and you forgot it all."

"All what?"

"Oh yes... this shall be fun."

"The hell are you blathering about?"

"Heheheh."

"Inuyasha?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does my mouth taste like sugar and rotten fish?"

"That, my friend, is all part of a nice, long, embarrassing story."

"What did I do?"

"Let's just say I now have a very good idea of what you were like as a child."

"Oh no..." he groaned, slightly fuzzy memories of the last two days finally flooding his brain.

"Now I can finally get back at you for laughing at me over my funny little leftover childhood habits."

"Kill me now..." he groaned at the sight of Inuyasha's blindingly evil grin.

It's gunna be a long day.


End file.
